Foolishly…

Have you ever wanted to take your sex back from someone? If you are a common user of social media, then you probably have come across that question. I have never wanted to take my sex back from anyone (even the sex that turned out bad) but I have a number of other experiences that I wish I could take back. Experiences help us grow. They teach us lessons that if well applied, we are bound to become better beings. Despite this knowledge, there are experiences that I think went too far, or rather, to be a more responsible person, that I took too far. If I could go back in time, these would never have existed.

This was the basis of our chit-chat on Saturday as I sat down with one of my friends Joshua, and my aunt Ivy. As we tore down the nyama choma that seemed not to be as juicy as our topic, those sitting on nearby tables were probably left yearning to eavesdrop on our conversation, due to our uncontrollable laughter.

Love is quite a beautiful thing, but that’s one part of the sentence. The other one happens to be “If you two are harboring a mutual feeling”. There is this lovely woman who has been vibing me for the last one month, and despite my efforts of trying to show her that I am not interested, she has completely ignored my hints and continued with her mission which she seems hell bound to accomplish. In the end, love has made her a fool, a beautiful fool.

But that’s normal. I can easily forgive another human being; it is I that I find it hard to forgive. I have been in this woman’s position before and to be exact, three times. the first one being in high school, second one, sometime last year, and the third one started off mid this year. It never dawned upon me how much of a fool I had turned myself into but that was until this woman.

“Is this how foolish I have been? But why was I insisting on dead ends? Oh my! I wish I knew better! How do I even face these ladies after making such a fool of myself? How blind and dumb was I for not listening and respecting their nos? How on earth could I have turned myself into such desperation and comfortably swam in it?” Those were the questions that ran from my mouth as Joshua and Ivy almost dropped down in laughter. “aye Mark hata wewe, alikushow zii na bado uka-insist?” Josh would joke, to which I would reply “maze ni mapenzi!”

The first time this happened, I was a second year high school student who was drowning in the dream of being a music star. I wrote so many beautiful lyrics and lovely letters to this beautiful lady, to which I never got a single reply. Do you know how hurting that can be? Well, I went to this girl’s home a couple of times, but you can bet it right. I never went past the gate because it was never opened for me. At this point, Ivy busted out, “hell you! Who does that?” Well, Muiruri has done that.

I don’t want to discuss the second and the third times, for the obvious reason that they were too embarrassing and that these two (Joshua and Ivy), almost had their ribs cracking. No, I don’t want you to laugh at me that much. There is a saying that goes, nothing really ever goes away until it has taught you enough on what you are supposed to learn.

The other day, a lady friend of mine pointed out that I have a tendency to talk of love as I talk of business. My love terms are full of business terms, which to me is not a problem, only that I carry my persistence in business to love affairs as well. I rarely take a no in my business world, which in itself is a mistake. It is this same attitude that I have applied in my love affairs and the result has been disastrous. Not anymore though. I think I have learned my lessons, and now it’s time to move on, a point that Josh kept on watering down, “tutakam hapa tena, halafu utuchapie hiyo story tena”. No way! I must not allow that to ever happen again. In future, a no will be welcome, and respected with an immediate about-turn.

I am quite grateful to this amazing lady who has made a fool of herself for me, for it is from her that I have taken note of my previous foolishness. I do not at all regret loving those three ladies. It is my inability to take a no and walk away with my dignity that I can’t stand. That is grievous. Maybe I can’t take my experiences back, but I can dress the lessons well. To my present and future self, I promise to respect and not to sell out your dignity

Dating an older woman

My learned friend, please give me reasons as to why this young men who are at 25+years are going for 35+years MILFS…not to take them to their mothers, but to have them around. What’s happening to morals? Please make me understand.

When a friend asks you such a question, there are lots of things that come to mind. The first one that came to my mind was, “did she just call me a learned friend?”, because honestly, am not learned. I may have gone to campus, and even managed a comfortable GPA, but I owe it all to Google, Wikipedia and other bogus research sites. You see, that’s not a fellow you would call learned. The world has schooled me in many ways, but I still wouldn’t consider myself learned.

The most important question that came to my mind was whether she had considered that I might be one of those men she was referring to, and if she had, how full of guts was she to ask me this. As I was to latter find out, she had not.

I have been around older girls since a tender age, and back then “cha baba na mama” was quite the video game of our times. The thing is, older girls know a lot of stuff that young boys don’t, and being the curious type, I did not hesitate to follow the instructions as they were given.

First track to my teenage years; I was 13 years old, when my mum came back from a coastal trip, and as we were catching up, she said how she came across a young man who tried to vibe her. Well, I was shocked, “what did you just say mum? What the hell are you talking about and why on earth are you telling me that?” That was my mind racing questions at the speed of sound, but of course my mouth was well shut up, and my eyes avoided looking at my mum who was busy laughing and talking about how boys had become mannerless. Was these her way of telling me not to be like those boys? Well, up to this day I have never found out, and trust me that’s not a conversation I would like to have with her.

One thing you need to understand is that people and their perspectives are very different; you see my friend thinks it’s immoral for a man to date an older women, but if I were to walk you back to about 114 years ago, the Anglican Church considered it immoral for man to claim that he could fly. As a result, The Wright Brother’s father, who happened to be an Anglican Church layleader, was demoted and urged to talk some sense into his crazy sons, that they would never and should not dream of playing god. It was considered immoral for women to vote sometimes back. Did you know that? So can we agree that man’s morality is still a questionable fulcuty, especially if reason applies.

While having this discussion with some friends, one of them pointed out that one of the reasons young men date older women is because they are broke and as such would hate to relate with girls of their age, who are most likely broke as well. This makes a lot of sence; you see not everybody wants to “grow with you”.

But forget men who date women for their shillings; there is a bleed of men who actually fall in love with women from all ages, including the older ones. Let me explain that point, a few days ago, a certain lady that I met at some fuction, asked me this question, “so you like older ones?”, to which I replied “not exactly, it’s just coincidental that I like you and I am younger than you”. Which takes me back to my friend’s question, could you please do away with the word MILF. You see, this are not just hot mums I like to fuck, these are women, loveable in every way.

Trust me, when I saw her dressed in this yellow and white stripped dress, standing there, cheering her daughter, as the sports’ day went on…the way her dress hanged loosely on her shoulders, the way her veins popped out of her neck as if they were gushing out to freedom, as she cheered her young daughter on the race, hmmm then she looked at me, I couldn’t look away. I have to agree that I am that weird one, and like Kanye, I don’t look away when people notice that I am staring at them. There I was, my eyes darting all over her face, from her big Brown eyes, to the two thin lines that faintly showed as she talked. Then she quietly but confidently said “Hey”, and at that moment I knew I had to meet this woman again; not in the next year’s sport’s day, but a date. I was going to request her out for a date.

So to my friend, did that sound immoral? I know we are warned not to entertain all our feelings, but trust me, I am already a step further in cultivating this one, and it feels blissful. Would I take her to my mum, yes I would, even though I know I would probably live to regret that due to the constant and undying lectures. “couldn’t you find a younger girl, or do you need us to help with the search?” But then again, I’m a thick skin, lectures wouldn’t get to me. Or maybe am just being paranoid about my mum’s perceived reaction.

A lady friend once told me that every young man should date an older woman at least once in their lifetime ; it would save the young girls a lot of headaches. Now you see what I told you about perspectives? Those are two different women, one thinks it’s immoral, the latter actually told me she would love to meet these ladies who have the guts to date younger men. I guess I should have told her not to wait to meet them, but to be one! Haha, till next time.

A look at my entrepreneurial journey; the hustle continues

A few hours ago, I was talking to my friend Mathenge, and he reminded me of something that I just shrugged off, but can’t stop thinking about it now, that I actually have to sit down in the bank lounge, to write it. “Life is funny, two years ago we were struggling to raise KES.48,000, you remember? For the poulty feeds… now we just raised this….

Entrepreneurship is a struggle, a constant one. You are always up to new levels. The sky is not the limit. You touch it, and you want to go further. The limits we had two years ago, are not the limits we have today. Today, the league has changed, our struggle has expanded. But comfortability? No! That is not something that we can achieve.

To give you a clearer picture, let me walk you back the two years. We had just started this poultry farm, but being in campus, cash to run it, was quite a hustle. I deed almost what every entrepreneur has ever done; I sold everything I had in my house, including my bed, got my house deposit back from where I had rented a place off campus, and invested the money in the farm. That was not even enough, so loans had to be taken here and there. But wait a moment, that means I was homeless, and for the next three months, before any profit could trickle in, I was housed by a very good friend of mine, Jakhin.

Let me make it a little bit interesting for you, there was this girl who always insisted on visiting me, and I couldn’t allow her to come to “my place”, because literally, it was not my place, but Jakhin’s. One day, she came up to the gate, called me, I got out, met her at the gate and couldn’t let her in. I don’t even remember the excuse I gave her but well, it got me off the hook. Should I tell you how great of a psychologist in the making she was? Oh, and good looking too. Well, I lost her, because since that day, she just thought I was not interested

But that’s just a by the way. Looking at where I am now, the hustle continues, with the only change being the size of the hustle. It’s like a football club that has just started; you first play in a small league, then keep on upgrading, but the game you are playing remains football. Your expenses are small at the beginning, so are your earnings. As you get into bigger leagues, your earnings grow, but so are your expenses. You have to buy very expensive players and team managers. Entrepreneurship is pretty much the same.

Well, when Mathenge reminded me of this, I only said one thing; “I can’t wait for the day money will start working for me! When I don’t have to do all this!” That’s a good wish but it’s only a wish. For now, a lot of ground work has to be done. The journey ahead is still in thousand of miles. Maybe it’s not really a journey, but just a thrilling experience to be embaraced.

Quite frankly, I enjoy the struggle. I don’t know what I could be without it. I love my life. Always on the move, always reaching out for something that seems unreachable. I have come to believe that bliss is me being in sync with my waves; both the ones I create, and those that just hit me as I interact with the rest of humanity.

I’m still a very small time entrepreneur, you could call me a seed that is just protruding it’s roots and shoot. To growth, to work, to those who embrace the spirit of a hustler. Mathenge, thank you for the reminder. It’s funny how we get so possessed by the future, that the achievement of yesterday no longer impress us.

Before you abort; let’s laugh over this

Sometimes back, while catching up with this new friend of mine, over a cup of tea, which was not as strong as her presence, she asked me what I thought of abortion and whether I support it. Well, I told her “I don’t know”. Nowadays I am okay with not knowing things. But I have never stopped thinking about her question, or as a psychologist would note, I am just replaying every bit of our conversation that would keep her presence in my mind, very much alive. I guess this is why sapiosexuals say that conversations are the new sexy. Before I get carried away by this lady who managed to conquer my mind -and my body- without any resistance, let’s get back to abortion, and here are my thoughts on it…not necessarily a yes or a no answer. Enjoy.

My name is Muiruri Wangari. I was born in 1992, to be more precise, on 20th of June. I am Gemini. Cheers to all Geminis. This means that I was conceived between September and October. But that’s not my point. My point is, I don’t think I was planned for. I don’t think my parents ever sat down over a cup of tea, went to see a doctor like I see people doing it on TV, or even told their friends “we are trying to create a baby”. No! I am actually sure that never happened. Things happened, or like my fellow youngsters would say, “shit happened” and I happened. Netflix and chill happened.
My mum was quite young back then, and I can picture this 21 year old girl wondering what to do once she found out that she was pregnant. Am sure she was shocked beyond her world. I doubt that she jumped up and down “oh my god, am pregnant”! Lol, that never happened. From the shock, fear and confusion, she did what most 21 year old girls would do; she got married.
Often, l wonder what if she had decided to abort me! I wouldn’t be here telling you this story. But a way with the selfish me. Think about her, think about my mum, this young 21 year old, who probably had other plans like most of the girls I know today; to travel the world, to enjoy her life, to party without the worry of a child back at home who needs to Suck, to be free. At 21 don’t you want to be free? I wonder whether she thought of all these, and if she did, what made her choose to carry on her pregnancy.
My mum, for reasons that I am scared to ask her, decided to birth me, and though I wish I could have a talk with her about this, lol, I don’t have the guts. Awkward? Yeah I know. I know those who know me think I am full of guts, but not these kinds of guts. First forward to now, and I can assure you that i haven’t been the best of sons that mothers would go preaching about. I am quite troublesome and a rebel, and I am sure I have given my mum quite a good number of sleepless nights. Lol, but she loves me, that is if we are to go with the kind of support she gives me. Your mother will always love you no matter how much of an asshole you are.
So, think about it. That I would probably not be here. I once saw a girl go through abortion. She was only 19, a friend of a friend. I cried. Yeah I know. I am that emotional man who cries over things that he loves. I love babies, which is ironical, because if I am to ever have any, I will make it one. I felt so bad when this girl proceeded with the abortion that since then, I cut ties with my friend, a lady, who happened to be the one helping her with the procedure. A cold storm developed in between us since then, that I don’t even remember the last time we talked. I remember screaming to the two girls, “we can take care of this baby you know, don’t do it”. They both gave me that look of “why the fuck are you even here?”
I don’t judge them. I understand them. She was only 19. Can you imagine being 19 and changing dipers? Not of your sister, but of your own blood. Damn. I think it’s scary. To be honest I don’t want a baby at this age. Maybe when am 40 or so. What would I do with a baby at 23. Sorry. I’m quite selfish.
So am here because my mum, despite the confusion that must have enveloped her at that time didn’t abort me. But look at me. As much as I am trouble, I have a feeling I am the next Frank Cinatra, Jay Z, Dedan Kimathi, and King Musa all cooked up together. I am redefining the world around me in my own way. Imagine what I am, plus what I will be. Now imagine all that missing from this universe.
So did my mum make the right choice? I don’t know. Remember she must have sacrificed something. I don’t know what she sacrificed and probably I will never know. Maybe if I believed in an after life, God would answer those questions for me. But too bad, I don’t! Or is it too good? I don’t know!
Never point at a girl who chooses abortion. That choice is not easy. In fact I think it’s a tougher choice than keeping the baby. I don’t blame you lovely dears who choose to let the baby go. Whenever I remember myself crying over that girl, it tells me, “abortion is not easy”. She didn’t look comfortable with the whole procedure. I wish I could see her again to know how she has been doing two years down the line. Maybe I should give my friend a call. Hell no! I’m not calling first.
Well, as for me, I am here. Trouble! But even Da Vinci was trouble. Great men are always trouble. Haha, look at you. I’m a great man in the sharpening.

Love vs Karma

I once told a gal I love she
When I didn’t even mean that thing
From that day I never been that way.

From that day I never been that way.

She was amazing,
She was so crazy
First woman I ever met who knows how to please herself
She be like “I’ma ride your dick out of your hells”
And I don’t even know how we got there
But gal what I did to her was not fair
She was amazing,
She was so crazy
I loved her sexy body,
Calling her only when I was horny
The only conversations I remember, is she mourning
She said I was her first realest.
But I knew am gonna be her first biggest…
-Mistake…coz she got attached to my steak
And I don’t blame her…I blame myself
I carry the baggage, somebody be my help
Coz I could write about her, but I could never be about her

I once told a gal I love she,
When I didn’t even mean that thing
From that day I never been that way.

Now they say am hurtless,
Coz I put it on the table, shameless…
We fucking, not loving.
Thought I could have my way with this
But these gals keep coming back with a diss.
“show me some love if you fucking me”
Me: I told you, we only do this thing…
You can’t call it love… At least not what we have
Another broken hurt, maybe am that deadly curse.
I thought we could do this thing,
But turns out they been wanting more than a kiss.
I told her “don’t fuck me”
If you do, “you will love me”
She said I’ma deal with the bridge when I get there
Gal she was just trying to act not scared…
Now she is like “how can I ever go back there?
When I know how heaven been right here!”
Gal I told you, I even warned you, now look at us, screwed like I did to your ass.

I once told a gal I love she.
When I didn’t even mean that thing
From that day I never been that way

From that day I never been that way,

From that day I never been that way

Wait a minute, wait a minute….
So it happened,
What goes around happened…
Me I was croaked… Put myself in my own soup and cooketh
I loved a gal….Uuuu! Should I tell you who she was?
No. She is gonna kill me…
And I ain’t break my emotions with her yet
Coz she was everything I have been on diet, -for
She is a lady, out on a mission to be herself.
Oh yeah, she loves herself…
And I lead myself to her…shit happened
No no, love happened…
Nobody told me love be like this
I saw her, talked to her, and I wanted to marry she….
To own and to be owned by only she….
To have somebody I could call home
But she said no…
Boy boy, be strong.
And am trying that shit…
Well I don’t even wanna try,
Because I don’t want her to be a memory
Oh now am screwed…
Somebody get her, I think she got the screw driver
But she be like “boy grow up, you’re not on dipers”
Hahaha…this is my own doing…
Am paying for my own screwing

I once told a gal I love she
And I didn’t even mean that thing
From that day I never been that way.

From that day I never been that way